By: Maya Hurst
Since the beginning of middle school, I have been consumed with crippling anxiety. My teenage years feel as if they have been an endless purgatory; I am caught between what I want and love and what others think is best for me. Between school, extracurriculars, mental health issues, family, friends, and trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be, high school has proven to live up to all of its stereotypes.
This is not to say that the past three years have been all bad. In fact, they have been far from that. I have made life long friends, learned about the world, fallen in love, and have even begun to understand what I crave to do with my own life.
I am currently a Junior at Greenwich Academy, and this too has lived up to its infamy. The hours of studying for the SAT and AP tests have not been lost on me, nor has the seemingly endless plight to get into college. I have minimal time to myself, and with what time I do have, I am constantly stressed over the idea that I am not doing enough. Although I have been advised for years to prepare for the academic challenges of eleventh grade, no one gave me warning of the heartbreak I would face this year. Between struggling towards good grades and dealing with my own teenage angst, watching seniors friends and others that I love be accepted to college is absolutely heart-wrenching.
Again, I find myself in a state of contradiction. How do I show the people I love that I am proud of their achievements while I am simultaneously jealous of their seemingly secure future? In this time of anxiety and stress over my own college applications, I am unsure how to deal with the goodbyes that will come with the graduation of this year’s senior class. I have spent so long learning to cherish the small moments and the relationships I have built throughout my high school years, but some days it feels as if my entire life is just one long game with the end goal of getting into an Ivy. I am terrified of being left behind while my senior boyfriend and senior best friends are out in the world making a name for themselves.
On top of all that, I am attempting to avoid getting sucked into the idea that college is everything. I want to go to college because I want to learn and to grow as a person, but each day I find myself becoming more competitive for no real reason. I find it nearly impossible to keep my own goals and desires in check when others are constantly telling me how to act and how to be better.
The culture of junior year is somehow suffocating and liberating at the same time. I feel a life planned out for me, and yet I am reminded how much life I have ahead of me each day.
