By Peter Becker
As the school year ends, the same daunting question faces all parents: “What am I going to do with my kids for the next three months?” Summer typically means more unstructured time together than at any other point in the year. And it turns out that the more structured the rest of life has become, the less practice we have at life with kids at home. This often leads to increased stress and tension in the family and the welcome relief of the start of the new school year.
What should Gen X and Millenial parents do with our Gen Z or Gen Alpha kiddos? I say let’s introduce them to the glories of the late 20th century. These digital natives will thank us for giving them a taste of analog life. I do not make this suggestion lightly. Nor do I think it will reduce stress and tension in any family that attempts it, at least at first. After the experiment is over, however, our children will love and appreciate us–and the efficient, effortless fluidity of digital life–so much more.
To be sure, if we attempt even one of the following experiments, it will take more time and effort than typical family life in 2023. It may feel effortful and frustrating and will likely lead to that special feeling that the parents of little kids experience when helping with ski boots or lacing up hockey skates. I wish I could promise that the pay-off will be worth the white-knuckling, but the fact is that we’ve become so dependent on digital life and have left the 20th century so far in the rearview mirror, that we may not want to take the risk.
The rewards of returning to analog life are profound–nothing less than introducing our children (and re-introducing ourselves) to a different–and more human–relationship to time, to place, to other humans, and to our own capacities to make, create, learn, to attend, to be patient and to live. That sounds pretty good. What could this look like in action?
First, low hanging fruit that you may be doing a version of already: a family night with no screens. Store devices in a single public space. Agree to start meal prep together. Print out the meal instructions ahead of time (half the battle in de-digitizing turns out to be thinking and planning ahead, a human capacity that we are allowing to atrophy). After the meal, you could go early-20th-century and clean all the dishes by hand. If everyone is still on speaking terms after dessert, introduce your kids to the card games of your youth or try charades or Chutes and Ladders. Cornhole and horseshoes are great outdoor alternatives. Resist the temptation to return to individual screens at the end of the night. Our family has learned that the family can actually have fun spending a night together, but it takes effort to resist the pull to let everyone go off with their own screen to their own location.
One level up on the degree-of-difficulty scale is the analog family road trip. Even just one day together in the car with no devices will be a wonderful problem-solving opportunity for all ages. Your risk profile, and your patience, will determine whether it is even possible for you to plan the trip without the internet. If you don’t have a paper map of Connecticut in your car, your local gas station probably does. The point is less about where you go and more about giving your children the thrill of navigating by map rather than by Waze. It will feel scary to drive away from home without a phone “in case of emergency.” Explore. Meander. Get lost and work together to find your way back. Play “I Spy” and the other games we used to play in cars to pass the time. Let your kids stare absent-mindedly out of the window. If you like to have something to show for a long day on the road, set a goal of visiting each of Connecticut’s counties or learn the answers to questions like “Where did names like Connecticut, Quinnipiac and Waramaug come from?” Depending on the age of your kids, you may even want to teach them to change a tire or your car’s oil before setting out, just in case.
As the summer solstice approaches, you could take this experiment in a more science-oriented direction and recreate the solstice using objects in your home. All you need is an object to serve as the sun and another to serve as the earth. The main piece of information your family will need is the measure of the earth’s axial tilt.
A few other tech-free learning opportunities for the family include letting your kids plan a meal, including shopping for the ingredients, food preparation, setting the table, serving, and cleaning up. Or practice delayed gratification as a family and take a month off of Amazon deliveries, grocery deliveries, and all other deliveries that we used to have to make trips for in the 20th century. Learn to play an instrument as a family. Grow a plant. Do puzzles–just keep one out on a table in a common area–or contribute collectively to doing a crossword puzzle on paper. Take walks.
Why would we put ourselves and our families through this kind of late-modern, consumerist torture? As the data emerges about the negative consequences of screens and social media on teens, it’s past time for families and educators to intervene. If our methods are creative, proactive, and constructive–emphasizing what we are for rather than just what we are against–our kids are more likely to buy-in. It won’t be easy: part of what makes digital devices so addictive for all of us is how effortless they make life feel, especially entertainment and wish-fulfillment. Switching back to analog will take more effort and will be met with resistance. The payoff, however, will be reclaiming our own and our families’ time, relationships, attention, and, ultimately, our humanity. For our kids, we may literally introduce them to capacities and skills that used to be taken-for-granted, and they will be more effective at navigating school and life when summer turns to fall.
Peter Becker is the Head of The Frederick Gunn School in Washington, Connecticut and the father of three teenagers.
