Column: Calling Things By Name

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By Heather Wright

think we all are a little stunned by the recent barrage of sexual misconduct allegations and the many in power in politics and entertainment who appear to be falling from glory. This season reminds me of the Chinese proverb: The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. Once one person has the courage to break the silence to name what has happened, others follow and are willing to speak truth to power.

To balance the discussion, we can question motives on both sides, where information is misused or used politically, and everyone is allowed due process. We still believe people are innocent until proven guilty. However, when a chorus of different unrelated voices all decry the same message, it is hard to believe that where there’s smoke, there isn’t fire.  This may be the first time in my lifetime, that individuals in power, will think twice before acting inappropriately. They are no longer doing so with an assumed immunity. 

I don’t know a woman who hasn’t at some point in her story been touched inappropriately, spoken to in sexually demeaning ways, or propositioned for unwanted sex. This has happened to me by former employers, on dates, and by strangers. Sadly, many women consider having to put up with this as normative behavior. I am grateful for the many who are coming forward to say these behaviors are wrong, objectifying, harmful, and need to stop. 

These sexual allegations are also about power and control. When someone has the power to hire or fire you, to punish you or advance your career, often it is not about two equals with mutual consent engaging in certain activities. The powerful can take something away from the one without power, which is why these predatory behaviors have continued, often unchallenged, for years. 

Admittedly, I am surprised all this is coming out at this time. Our culture is hyper-sexualized through media and film.

Here’s what I want my daughters and son to know as a mother, minister, and psychotherapist. I, and my counselor colleagues, see firsthand how a lack of sexual restraint and boundaries can translate into great heartache, feeling used, harmed, losing a sense of self and grounding. It is important that we and our broader society have clear boundaries regarding sexual ethics.

This is a fitting time of year in the Christian tradition for these recent disclosures and for examining our own hearts. Advent is when we celebrate the reality of light that came into the darkness, God took on human flesh to dwell among us. Just as bringing things to light can redeem what is broken, so too can naming what wrongs we have done and those that have been done to us.   These themes come up over and over in our counseling center. When what is done in secret, in the dark, is exposed by the light either publicly or privately, healing and freedom can begin. 

May we have the courage to embrace calling things by their right names as we bring light to those dark places.

The Rev. Dr. Heather Wright is executive director of the Greenwich Center for Hope and Renewal and the author, with George Faller, of “Sacred Stress: A Radically Different Approach to Using Life’s Challenges for Positive Change.”

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