By Shari L. Shapiro
After the holidays, I hear the same thing from parents, grandparents, and teachers: everything feels louder. Routines come back, life speeds up, and that sense of urgency returns. Even if nothing is wrong, the tension is still there.
And our kids feel it.
At Kids In Crisis, our counselors sit with children and teens every day who are dealing with more than they know how to explain. Sometimes they’re anxious. Sometimes they’re irritable or withdrawn. And sometimes they just feel overwhelmed without knowing why. When we talk with them, we often discover something important: kids don’t just react to what’s happening to them. They react to what’s happening around them.
Kids borrow calm from the adults around them.
That doesn’t mean parents have to be calm all the time. No one is. But children are always paying attention. They notice our tone, how fast we move, and when we’re tense. They watch how we handle frustration, disagreements, and stress before they listen to our advice.
I see this play out in schools through our TeenTalk and KidTalk counselors. A student comes in upset after a tough morning at home. Nothing dramatic happened. No big argument. Just a rushed breakfast, a sharp word, the television on in the background with the morning news, and a sense that everyone was on edge. That feeling sticks with them all day.
What helps isn’t a lecture. It’s regulation. A counselor slowing the moment down. A calm voice. A reminder that feelings pass. In those moments, kids learn something important: I don’t have to match the chaos around me.
That lesson matters just as much at home.
So what does it really mean for parents to model calm, especially when life feels overwhelming?
It starts with being kind to yourself. Being calm doesn’t mean being silent. It doesn’t mean you never raise your voice or have a bad day. What matters most is what you do next.
Here are a few small, realistic ways parents can model calm without trying to be perfect:
Slow the moment, not the conversation.
When emotions run high, try speaking more quietly instead of louder. Even a short pause before you respond can change the whole conversation. Kids often follow the pace we set.
Name what’s happening out loud.
Saying something like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, so I need a minute,” shows kids that it’s okay to talk about big feelings without losing control. It also gives them words they can use themselves.
Repair matters more than restraint.
If you lose your patience, circle back. “I shouldn’t have snapped. I was stressed, and I’m sorry.” This kind of repair teaches accountability and emotional safety. It shows your child that mistakes don’t end relationships.
Our counselors use these same ideas every day. They aren’t trying to fix kids. They’re creating moments of steadiness that kids can come back to when things feel hard. Over time, those moments add up.
One thing I hope parents know is this: you can’t protect your child from every loud thing in the world. That’s not possible. But you can be a place where things feel a little quieter, a little steadier, and a little safer.
If you feel like you don’t have calm to give right now, you’re not failing. You might just need some support yourself.
That’s why our 24/7 Helpline is here for parents and caregivers, not just kids. Many calls we get are from adults who just need to talk, take a breath, or ask, “Is this normal?” You don’t have to wait for a crisis to reach out.
January doesn’t have to be about working harder or doing more. It can be a time to reset the emotional tone at home, to choose steadiness over speed, and to remember that how we act shapes the world our children are learning to navigate.
The world may feel loud, but calm is something we can still practice, share, and pass on… one moment at a time.
If you or your family need support, Kids In Crisis is here for you. Our 24/7 Helpline is available at 203-661-1911, any time, for any reason.
Shari L. Shapiro is the Executive Director of Kids In Crisis emergency shelter in Cos Cob, CT
