By Lauren Rabin
Is that the feeling of fall in the air already? I hope not, but, like each year before, there have been too many signs. First, my grandson was requesting Grandma’s famous meatballs… not something I typically cook in the summer, and I did anyway. Note, my secret ingredient is seltzer water! Then I saw the Greenwich Youth Football League players starting to practice. Today at the doctor’s office, a sign at the receptionist’s desk read “fall is in the air”. And, for many parents in town, your child is preparing to return to school or leave for college for the first time, I recall an invaluable book I received when my oldest son started college. It’s called “You’re on Your Own (But I’m Here If You Need Me).”
The book is a thoughtful and practical guide for parents navigating the transition as their teenagers head off to college and begin adulthood. Written by Marjorie Savage, a parent educator at the University of Minnesota and mother of three, the book combines research, insights from her work with college students and their families, and her own experience as a parent.
The central theme of the book is that although college marks a time for students to take responsibility for their own lives, parents still play a crucial—though evolving—role. Savage reassures parents that their influence does not end when their child leaves home; instead, it shifts toward being a mentor, sounding board, and supporter, rather than a manager.
What the Book Covers
Savage tackles the many phases and challenges of the college experience, both for students and parents. Topics include:
• The First Year Adjustment – How students handle new freedoms, homesickness, academics, and social pressures, and how parents can support without overstepping.
• Communication Strategies – Finding the right balance between staying connected and giving students space to grow, including managing phone calls, texts, and visits.
• Academic Expectations – Understanding the realities of college coursework and what to do if a student struggles.
• Social Life and Independence – Navigating issues like alcohol, relationships, mental health, and peer pressure, while encouraging responsible decision-making.
• Money Matters – Teaching financial responsibility, budgeting, and handling money from afar.
• Crisis Situations – Recognizing when a problem is severe enough to step in, from academic probation to health and safety concerns.
Throughout, Savage shares anecdotes from parents and students, offering both reassurance and practical tools. The book is empathetic and realistic, neither alarmist nor overly idealistic. It acknowledges the challenges and anxieties of letting go, while giving parents constructive ways to remain connected and influential. Its guiding philosophy is summed up in the title. Parents need to allow their children the independence to make choices and mistakes, while also making clear that they will always be available as a source of support.
Savage reassures parents that their relationship with their child is not ending but transforming. The key is flexibility, patience, and the confidence to allow children to grow into adulthood with ongoing, but less direct, parental support.
Wishing all parents and caregivers of college students, especially in their first years, a successful transition during this phase. To everyone, enjoy the transition from summer to fall.
Lauren is our Selectwoman, Mother of college graduates.
