By Rabbi Yossi Deren
By the Grace of G-d
The challenge of conflict resolution has been a perennial struggle for humanity throughout the ages. We often regard conflict resolution as the ultimate goal, the definitive solution to every disagreement.
But this perspective, while tempting, is both limiting and misleading. Conflict resolution, in truth, should not be our first step in addressing discord.
The Prophet envisions a time when “Haemet v’Hashalom Ehavu” — truth and peace will be cherished in harmony. This prophetic aspiration acknowledges that achieving such balance is far from simple; it is a redemptive ideal that requires us to navigate a complex and intricate path.
Today’s society encourages us to think ambitiously, to be oriented toward grand solutions. Ambition fuels progress, and the pursuit of success is heralded as a hallmark of achievement. However, there is a harsh consequence to this mindset — a relentless drive toward perfection that leaves us feeling inadequate if we do not attain complete victory. We live in a world that often sees conflicts as zero-sum games, where winning becomes imperative at all costs, and resolution is equated with finality.
But life does not unfold in such absolutes. It is not a simple matter of black and white. When our focus is singularly on resolving all the issues of the conflict, we set ourselves up for profound disappointment and perpetual dissatisfaction.
There is a need for humility — a recognition that we are not omnipotent. We are not divine. We cannot solve all the world’s problems, no matter how powerful our position, how righteous our cause, or how significant our influence. Whether we are part of a governmental superpower, members of an elite circle of civic leaders, or simply individuals striving to make a difference, we must accept that there are limits to our capabilities.
This awareness is essential in every realm of conflict — whether it concerns our personal relationships, family dynamics, community disagreements, workplace tensions, or even global disputes. Yes, this message is directed to all, including those who grapple with the complexities of the Middle East, the enduring Arab-Jewish conflict, and the rising tide of anti-Semitism that affects Jewish communities worldwide. It is not productive to view these conflicts solely through the lens of resolution, as if the only question is, “What happens the day after in Gaza?” And if one lacks an immediate answer to that question, they are deemed unfit to participate in the dialogue. Such an approach is neither realistic nor constructive.
Consider as well the conflicts within marriage — perhaps the most intimate and profound of human relationships. At times, these conflicts can feel as painful and intractable as any geopolitical struggle.
Whatever and wherever the conflict, we must recognize that truth and justice are not defined by our personal convictions of what is true or just. True justice, enduring and meaningful truth, is objective truth, objective justice. It’s not about what’s better for me. It’s not about what I think is right. It’s about what’s better for us. Authentic justice and enduring truth are objective; they transcend our individual perspectives and desires. They call us to think beyond our own interests and ask, “What is better not just for me, but for we?”
We must challenge ourselves: Is this conflict being fueled by passion and pride? What can we do to de-escalate, to foster calm? Instead of thinking grandly, let us start thinking modestly. What small step can we take today to make life easier, more bearable for the other side? It is not about determining who is right or wrong; it is about creating, even if just for a moment, a semblance of peace and tranquility.
Peace that comes through humility, through taking our ego out of the picture, is a peace that supports justice. It is a harmony that at once reflects truth together with a feeling of unity.
Living through the paradox of peace and justice, unity and truth, is not merely about enduring or surviving. It is about thriving. True peace, peace that lasts and endures, can only be realized when it is grounded in truth. And this peace begins not with sweeping solutions, but with small acts of understanding, humility, and grace that, together, bring us closer to the harmonious world envisioned by our prophets.
Rabbi Yossi Deren is the Spiritual Leader and Executive Director of Chabad Lubavitch of Greenwich, the local branch of the worldwide Chabad Lubavitch movement, a Jewish educational and social service organization. www.chabadgreenwich.org
