By Stuart Adelberg
I spent the past week on the road – traveling south to visit family. We opted to drive, to take a little extra time and make a few pleasant stops on the way. We thought it would be relaxing, and for the most part, it was. We even made a decision not to listen to too much news in the car. Music is soothing while current events are more likely to raise my blood pressure. I can yell at the TV and get aggravated in the comfort of my home – no need to travel thousands of miles for it!
We had planned in advance to visit some old friends who had moved south from Connecticut about ten years ago. We have tried to maintain the friendship from a distance, as we truly like these folks, sincerely enjoyed and now miss all of the very good times we had together before their move. It was so wonderful to see them, catch up on each other’s lives, give and get updates on our families and, of course, share some memories.
It is no surprise that ten years living in very different circumstances would have each of us change in different ways. Where we live and who we spend time with can certainly alter our perspectives and mold our opinions. This is to be expected. But I did not anticipate my good friend bringing up the current political situation over lunch. I glanced over at my wife and was very cautious in my response. I respect and have always had great admiration for this friend, but it is clear that we now see some fundamental things very differently. I was determined to participate in a frank conversation but even more determined not to jeopardize my relationship with these good people and great friends.
Eventually, we moved on to different, more mundane subjects. But before the discussion ended, my friend thanked me for speaking about “all of this.” He told us that they lost another friend when a similar subject came up and the conversation did not go as well as today’s. Apparently the friend they lost was not willing to engage and decided, as soon as their chat began, that their differences meant that they could no longer have anything to do with each other.
A day later we received two emails – one from my friend’s wife and the second directly from him. Both were very similar. They were grateful for the time we spent, happy that we had reconnected and recommitted to maintaining our long distance relationship, and noted that they would eagerly await the next opportunity for us to be together. It was apparent, however, that the real reason for the email follow up was to ensure that our relationship had withstood the test of “politics 2024.” I answered the emails immediately. I had also been worried about the state of our friendship and was eager to know that we were in a good place.
This is what I wrote in my response, “Good friends are worth more than anything and it would be a shame if we couldn’t earnestly discuss issues of the day and share different perspectives. We all want what is best – and there is much we can learn by listening to each other. Life would be much easier if I had a monopoly on all the right answers, but I’m just not that smart!”
We didn’t solve any of our nation’s problems, but I am feeling a whole lot better than I did a week ago and looking forward to our next trip south.
Stuart Adelberg has a long history of leadership and active involvement in the region’s nonprofit arts and human services communities. He appreciates the opportunity to share his occasional thoughts and observations.
