By Adam Rohdie
I saw a cartoon recently that showed a mom driving her kids to school on the first day back from summer vacation. The mom driving the car is repeating “are we there yet, are we there yet?” The seven-year-old in the back seat looking miserable says, “the irony is not lost on me, mom.”
Whether you are super excited for school to start or wishing the summer had a few more weeks, we are indeed in “back-to-school mode.” It usually hits me when I see Target or Staples running special advertisements for backpacks or binders. Even though these ads start at the end of July, the signal is unmistakable. This year, these ads got me thinking about what we really should be doing to prepare our children for success in the next school year.
Preparing them with school supplies, new clothes, and a fresh pair of sneakers is important. Yet, as we strike into the 2023-2024 school year, I would suggest we add a different kind of shopping.
As a parent of two boys, I am out there on a hunt for that elusive “purchase.” This type of back-to-school shopping is all about creating a plan for success, or a realistic goal-setting process. It doesn’t matter if you have a five-year-old starting their first day of kindergarten or a fifteen-year-old starting their first day of high school, this is the type of preparation that can serve every child.
My back-to-school shopping plan would look something like this. I would wait until I had my child in a place they could not escape. A 30-minute car ride is always a great spot. Then, I would enter a conversation that would try to identify ONE goal for home and ONE goal for school for the next year. Too often, like new year’s resolutions, we set multiple, high-aspiration goals only to find by week two we have already failed. The back-to-school goals should be age appropriate, achievable, and designed to support success in school and as part of the family. Some ideas to get you started might include:
Agree to a good night’s sleep every night, minimum 8-10 hours
Agree to eating a nutritious breakfast every morning
Agree that homework will be done in the dining room this year (not in their room)
Agree that the cell phone never goes upstairs
Agree that each night you and your child will spend 20 minutes reading
Agree that your child will post a test and quiz calendar on the fridge so everyone can see
Agree on a strict screen time shut down each night
Agree that this year we will have family dinner at least 3 nights a week
Agree on a chore that your child will be solely responsible for this school year
Depending on your child, their age, and their particular goals, you may want to include your availability to support them in achieving these goals. Such as, “I will always have a snack ready for you while you do your homework in the kitchen, so if you have a question, I can help.”
I could go on but I want you to notice that none of these “goals” are outcome driven (such as… I will get all A’s, or no more than two B’s this year…) rather these are actions, which any young person could both agree to and achieve. The analysis of what these goals look like has to be, in part, guided by you as the parent. You are the expert on your child and deep down you have a sense of the root causes of your child’s typical struggles or areas that need some work. If you can identify an issue, then craft one goal for the year that centers on that area. For the goal to work it has to be mutually agreed upon, and whenever possible, I would avoid the carrot and stick approach. “I will buy you a new car if you get straight A’s,” is as destructive and unsuccessful as saying, “I will take away your car keys if you get a B this year.”
I know it sounds easier to read about than to do, and I also know this is very easy in September and can turn into something much more challenging to maintain as the year goes on. That said, the creation of an agreed upon routine that is achievable, not terribly onerous, and leads to success just might be the best back-to-school shopping you could do this year!
Adam C. Rohdie is the Greenwich Country Day School Head of School and a grade 8 history teacher.
