By Kate Noonan
Last week a friend and I took a five day jaunt to Maine. The trip became a tradition years ago when we would head to Maine dropping our campers off for their 3 plus week adventure in the Maine woods. They’ve truly enjoyed their outdoor adventure experience and they’ve returned to lead other girls on summer outdoor exploits. These campers age out of their camp counselor experience this summer, suffice to say they are not happy campers. The end of their camp life coincides with the conclusion of their time at university. These newly minted adults are immersed in the unknown.
While up in mid-coast Maine for this visit we were either ensconced in fog or smoke. It felt as though the trip could not get off the ground. Waiting for the fog to lift and the smoke to clear became an experience in itself. Fumbling to make plans in Maine left me listless, bored and frustrated in a way that creeps along knocking on the door of existential crisis. Additionally, I had a double ear infection, not only was it hard to see but it was hard to hear. I was not a happy camper.
Left to my own devices I was unsure of how best to proceed on what I was hoping would be a refreshing break from my routine. I was bored and feeling stuck languishing in an unfamiliar place without much to do. I kept thinking I SHOULD somehow be the catalyst to shift my circumstances. I forgot I know better. I understand the universe sometimes tosses you a forced stop. This pause is a gift, an opportunity to dig a little deeper beyond my expectations and have a little faith.
There were plenty of reasons for Julian of Norwich, a Christian mystic, who lived through the medieval plagues in Norwich, England to turn her back on her faith. She had much more to contend with than gnarly weather, an unairconditioned airbnb and some squirrely 22 year olds. Julian’s most quoted line may be: All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well but to be honest, I wasn’t feeling it. The ‘well’ felt unobtainable. Unexpectedly, another quote from Julian of Norwich’s work Revelations of Divine Love, showed up on my instagram feed:
God wishes to be seen, and he wishes to be sought,
and he wishes to be expected, and he wishes to be trusted.
Oh, I hadn’t asked myself: where was God while I muddled through my dashed expectations. I was busy working on my perceived predicament. This quote was a second forced stop on my trip. After reading this quote it became clear I was called to be in communion with my higher power. God is available to listen and constantly shows up. Maybe this trip was my opportunity to truly convene with the Divine. It is exciting to think that God is waiting for my participation.
The skies cleared for the last afternoon of our trip. We hopped in the kayaks and took a much anticipated paddle in the lake. It may be years before I head to Maine again yet this trip will stay with me as a reminder of the many times in my life when my expectations stand in the way of my ability to be present, to be grateful and to plug into my faith. The pause may be exactly the opportunity to seek, find and trust God with any unknowns we may experience.
Kate Noonan
Chaplain
Spiritual Life Coach
Pastoral Associate, St. Ignatius Loyola, NYC
Yale Divinity School 2018
