By Cheryl McFadden
I’m going to change the words of a famous song by John Lennon and Paul McCartney of the Beatles (1967) to make it family friendly. It became a signature for Joe Cocker after he sang it in 1969 at Woodstock. Listen to some of the verses.
What would you think if I sang out of tune?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song
And I’ll try not to sing out of key
Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get [by] with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends
What do I do when my love is away?
Does it worry you to be alone?
How do I feel by the end of the day?
Are you sad because you’re on your own?
No, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, get [by] with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends
I’ve always liked this song because it’s about the importance of friends in our life. Over the years, my friends have helped my husband, Patrick, and I to raise our children as they went through various stages of development – the terrible 2s, 3s, and 4s, the middle school years, the “I can’t believe you” stage of high school, and the “I’m in college and I can do what I want to do” stage. My friends have helped me when I’ve experienced loss or gone through a difficult life transition like moving to a new state. When I decided at the age of 50 to leave my career as a university professor and attend seminary to be a priest, my friends put together a large tote with all the supplies I would need to be a graduate student and sent me regular emails and texts to encourage me. When I was ordained my friends came to the service and gave me a fig tree which is still alive today. When my daughter was getting married, my best friend and her husband not only helped plan the wedding, but they rolled up their sleeves and worked the wedding.
I could go on and on about the importance of friends. Jesus had a best friend with Lazarus. When Lazarus’s sisters sent Jesus a message saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill” (John 11:3) Jesus traveled to his home even though he was a “wanted” man. Jesus loved Lazarus and risked his life to heal him. When Jesus sees Lazarus’ sister Mary weeping at his death, Jesus becomes “disturbed in spirit and deeply moved “(John 11:33). There is nothing Jesus would not do for his friend.
I believe the story of Lazarus teaches us that we need friends, and we need to be a friend. We’re social beings, and friendship is a fundamental human need. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, friends and intimate relationships are our top psychological needs. Here are some ways that friends have a positive effect on our mental health. Friends help us to not feel lonely and isolated. They boost our confidence and self-esteem and give us a sense of belonging. They motivate us and they hold us accountable. “You can do it, Cheryl. I believe in you.” Friends offer us practical support like giving advice on raising healthy and happy children. Friends give us emotional support when we suffer loss.
If Jesus needed friends, surely we need them. Research tells us that people who have five friends are 60% happier than people without friends. Take a moment. Can you name five friends, not acquaintances, but the kind of friends you can share your innermost thoughts and feelings with, friends who don’t judge you, friends that would bail you out of any kind of trouble or hardship? We know that Jesus had five close friends (Lazarus, Mary, Martha, the “beloved disciple,” and Mary Magdalene). We also know that he considered his disciples to be his friends. I hope you feel you have some of those friends. I hope that you can sing these words,
I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends.
Rev. Dr. Cheryl McFadden is the Senior Associate Rector at Christ Church Greenwich. Her passion is cultivating relationships with people.
