By The Rev. Heather Wright
“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
As a parent, licensed therapist and minister, I am concerned about the mental health crises for our young adults and teens coming out of COVID. We are hearing about a dramatic rise in the number of suicides, depression, anxiety, and self-harming behaviors. Most of us know someone, close to us, who has recently been impacted directly by heightened levels of emotional and psychological distress.
Our period of isolation and fear was even worse for this demographic because of tasks they are meant to wrestle with and work through at this time in their life stages. From a psychological perspective, the tasks for the teens and young adult are identity formation vs. role confusion (needing more input from peers) and finding intimacy as opposed to isolation (with significant others). The restrictions of COVID, made these age-appropriate life lessons much harder to accomplish. Not only were they forced to isolate but they were also taught to be afraid to get close to others. Interacting with others meant potentially fatal consequences for ourselves or others.
I remember my daughter, then a junior in high school, meeting in a school parking lot with her friends. Each of them sat in the trunk of their own car and were widely distanced apart to visit with one another. This was months into COVID. Like a plant withering on the vine, I sensed these teens were dying emotionally to see one another.
When we think of trauma we think of war, 9-11 and school shootings. These are all traumatic but there is a broader definition that goes with events that leave us feeling unsafe, where we are out of control, and we feel powerless to make any difference to the outcome. That sounds like a description of what we have all been through it. Can you still sense a lack of safety, control and power in your life? For many of us in middle or late adulthood, we have longer history of life being “normal” to balance these last few years. For our teens and young adults, they have less bandwidth – this has occupied much of their formative growth at a time when they are meant to strike out on their own and find meaning and community with their peers.
I wish I had all the answers for how to help. What I do know is that it is always right to ask for help and we can look out for our friends. If something doesn’t seem right for you or someone else, lean in and let others know. We are in this together and love can be getting help for someone else even they don’t seem to want it. We would want them to do the same for us.
There is something else I have found to be good news in the midst of such challenging times. I have found mental health issues can be addressed not only by therapy and medication when needed but also through caring, supportive community and finding faith. I have seen this with people in the church where I serve. A cornerstone for healing, growth and transformation, is discovering and living a life of faith. What are the benefits of this choice?
There are gifts that faith and a faith community can provide. In relationship to a loving Creator, people find meaning, purpose, hope, joy and love. These are all things that I want more of in my life. I began with a word from one of Christianity’s greatest critics, Friedrich Nietzsche, but intentionally or not, his words point to something transcendent. Knowing “why” you are here is finding out there is a reason you came to this earth. There is a mission only you can complete. This “why” reminds us that there is more than the “how” of this present struggle, darkness, pandemic or despair. There is a source that can satisfy our deepest longings and lift us up when we can’t help ourselves. Finding God with others, in worship and small groups, means we are less isolated and have the opportunity for deeper connection.
One of my favorite descriptions in the Bible is of Jesus as the Good Shepherd. He looks after his sheep, they know his voice, and he leaves the 99 to recover the one lost. He desires to care for you and to be in relationship with you even here and now. If you have never entertained the idea of coming close to God, I invite you to reach out, try praying, which is asking God to draw near to you. Check out a house of worship on Sunday morning or give a clergy a call. Come and see for yourself if there is a why that might answer the how for you too.
The Rev. Dr. Heather Wright is Pastor of Care and Connection at Stanwich Church. She is also a licensed therapist and author of four books. More on her can be found at heatherpwright.com.
