By: Mary Forde
A friend was telling me how last week, she and her husband were having a particularly trying afternoon with their children and they decided to just go outside and walk around for about 20 minutes. So they took appropriate childcare precautions and went outside and basically walked around the backyard. At one point my friend turned and looked at her partner in life and said, “When did you grow a goatee?” We both laughed but it started me thinking that while we have been physically close for almost a year now. In some ways we are more distant than BCV (before covid virus). Because we are physically in each other’s space for so long, maybe we have started just taking each other for granted. You know, like when you are in a rush and you leave the ironing board up, and then you realize how convenient it is not to have to take it out and put it away and then, you kind of forget about it. Until you are on a zoom call with your mother and she comments that it must be difficult to iron with all of the books and clothes and backpacks piled on the ironing board. You realize that without paying attention, the ironing board has become furniture. In some ways, I think that may be happening to our families, we have been so close for so long, we have stopped noticing each other ( except of course for those annoying habits that you wonder how you missed for so long!).
As we head towards our one year anniversary of forced family togetherness, it may be time to reconnect to those people who have become the ironing boards in our lives. In trying to set up some distance from our spouse/partner and children who have been physically in our space, we may have pulled back from sharing what is going on with us mentally, emotionally and socially.
Look at some pictures of each other that were taken BCV – and point out how each of us have changed. Who is taller and how can you tell (you are now the same height as the refrigerator). I would suggest staying away from noticing who is chubbier. Who is wearing their hair differently? How has each member of the family changed over this year of togetherness. Has no one noticed that you are now wearing ‘reading’ glasses all the time? It may be the right time to realize that in some ways the clock seems to have stopped but the reality is that each one of us is a different person than we were a year ago.
It also might be interesting/fun/scary to have one person write down the answer to a question and have the rest of the family try to guess what they wrote. What has been the favorite thing we have done as a family since last March? What was the best/worst thing about quarantine? What has been your favorite binge watch? While we are all a little bit different outside (no, those jeans were always too tight), we are equally different inside and perhaps that difference is worth a little attention.
This only works once but it is enlightening to have everyone stand up in the middle of a meal, turn around and describe what everyone is wearing. Again, as close as we have been, we may have stopped really seeing each other – no, I have always worn the same sweatpants for two or three days.
Once the vaccine was announced, I think we all thought our lives would magically go back to BCV and not only did that not happen, we are now dealing with the additional stress of getting the vaccine. It almost feels like things may be worse. But I do believe we have turned the corner and it is time to reconnect and rediscover the people in in homes. Although I am sorry to admit this, not too long ago I said to my husband, “This was a short haircut.” And he replied “It was even shorter a week ago when I got it cut.” Ouch! I promise to pay more attention and perhaps eat one less donut.
