By Kris Herndon
New Year’s Eve is my favorite holiday. But this year, with 2021 only a week away, I’m still not sure how I’ll celebrate. In fact, for the first time ever, I’m not even sure if I should.
Travel is cancelled. Big gatherings aren’t allowed. And for so many of my nearest and dearest, this holiday season hasn’t been what they had hoped. The global pandemic had a massive impact on the economy; most of us have dealt with some level of financial uncertainty. And these concerns, while weighty, pale in comparison to the struggles for those faced with mourning the death of a loved one.
Still, in most every culture, there’s a symbolism to the New Year; it’s a time of fresh starts and leaving old hurts behind. So how do we cheer the close of this strange and difficult year, and welcome the new one with hope, optimism, and gratitude?
For some expert advice, I reached out to my friend Cathy Riva Bloomgarden. A trained practitioner of mindfulness meditation techniques, Bloomgarden works with school children through Mission Be, an organization in Port Washington, NY that brings mindfulness-based social and emotional learning to schools and communities.
Bloomgarden’s work was profoundly disrupted when the pandemic hit. “Schools shut down,” she says. “And in summer, when we would usually travel to Spain to teach, we were on Zoom.” Her husband, Mark, produces live events and entertainment, so his work was impacted as well. “Basically, Mark and I both lost our jobs,” she recalls.
What followed, though, was an incredibly meaningful year.
“Sometimes we don’t realize we are in the middle of a miracle,” she says now. “What 2020 has allowed us to do is to slow down and really choose a meaningful life in every moment.” With Mark at home and their daughter in remote school, the family forged a closer bond during their pandemic year.
Still, Bloomgarden acknowledged my uncertainty about celebrating right now. For those who have suffered deep losses or dealt with frightening or destabilizing change, trying to force a relentlessly positive attitude can ring false. In fact, learning to honor feelings of sadness or loss is a significant part of the teachings she embraces.
When concepts like gratitude or finding silver linings seem shallow or trivial, “that’s a sign that you need to make space to honor the loss and grief first,” she told me.
In the Buddhist tradition, the concept of mindfulness is based in being present in this moment and acknowledging the transient nature of our time here on earth. Clinging to the material world brings pain, but we can’t help but try. “As human beings, we cling to things that make us feel comfortable and in control,” Bloomgarden tells me. “But change is constant. We experience that very necessary change as loss.”
In other words, change and loss feel scary. But for renewal to happen, we need to make space, and sometimes that means letting go. “When you have loss, in the Buddhist tradition, you are meant to really just be present with it. That feeling of sadness, of grief, of deep longing, needs to be felt.”
If you or someone close to you has suffered a loss, Bloomgarden suggests letting the end of the year be a time to honor that loss. “Sit with that sadness, and really feel it. We need to feel that loss and give it the space it deserves. Where our hearts are wounded, if we didn’t attend to that pain, the end of the year can be a time to do that.”
Indeed, this kind of healing may be the reason most human cultures mark the passing of the old year. “I love ritual,” says Bloomgarden. “For my family, we do an inventory. We list our blessings, and the things that we are grateful for. We apologize for hurts, and give some attention and care to what needs to change.”
When I ask Bloomgarden if she’ll celebrate, she doesn’t hesitate:
“Yes! We are gonna throw a party,” she says. “It’s important to nourish the spirit, and what nourishes the spirit, for me, is celebrating. It’s a sense of play, of celebration, joy, and fun. Even though it’s just the three of us, my tiny family still has a lot to celebrate.”
Bloomgarden says she’ll decorate with silver disco balls and sparkling lights. “Whatever your heart needs,” she told me, laughing. “Let’s come into 2021 with more love and compassion for humanity.”
