By Kris Herndon
Last year, standing shoulder-to-shoulder under the lights of Times Square, a crowd of strangers shouted in unison, counting down the last seconds of the old year. As the ball dropped at midnight, they cheered and embraced, with cries of “Happy New Year!”
A year ago, that time-honored method of bringing in the New Year didn’t seem strange. But looking back, the quintessential New Year’s celebration seems almost surreal. With restrictions on travel and large gatherings as the pandemic year of 2020 draws to a close, New Year’s celebrations join the list of things that can’t return to normal just yet.
Here in Greenwich, First Selectman Fred Camillo said the Town isn’t planning anything official for New Year’s: “We’re still under the executive orders of the governor, which preclude big gatherings.”
Many local families have had to cancel travel and forgo family gatherings and big celebrations. And some are mourning more serious losses, as the pandemic has, at last count, claimed the lives of 63 residents.
Fortunately, Greenwich offers a wealth of resources and community support for those who are grieving. Local funeral home Coxe & Graziano offers bereavement support, and Family Centers, on Arch Street in Greenwich, offer grief counseling specifically for children and teens through The Den.
Christine Speck, LSCW, is the Senior Program Director of Gilda’s Club Westchester, a non-profit that provides free support to anyone impacted by cancer. Speck said Greenwich is within the organization’s service area, and she encourages Greenwich residents to reach out if they need support or have been impacted by cancer in any way.
Speck offered advice to those dealing with grief during this time: “Grieving the loss of a loved one is difficult under any circumstances. COVID, isolation and the holidays add a cumulative effect to these feelings of loss. Grief can trigger many emotions, including a sense of helplessness, anxiety and depression.”
She said even in the best of times, the holidays can exacerbate these difficult emotions: “It’s important during this time that individuals recognize that their emotions can be unpredictable and intense.”
With the impact of COVID precautions, some may find themselves struggling even more. That’s because the rituals of grief have been disrupted, and that feels unfair: “During this time of quarantine, those who are grieving find it particularly difficult, as they are unable to gather with family and friends to mourn. Rituals such as funerals, wakes and shiva are not possible, which adds to the feelings of loss,” Speck said.
Speck recommends trying to arrange a virtual gathering: “Invite friends and families to speak, sing, share a reading, photos or poetry. The simple act of gathering, even if not in person, can alleviate the sense of loneliness.”
Speck advised focusing on basic self-care and postponing important decisions if possible: “Try not to set unrealistic expectations while you are grieving. There should be no rush to make any important decisions during this time. Recognize that feelings will fluctuate and that is normal. Take care of basic needs – try to get enough sleep, even if it is throughout the day. Nourish your body with healthy food and exercise. Talk with a supportive friend, family member or therapist. Consider joining a support group. And give yourself time.”
She added that it’s a common misconception that we ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one. Instead, she explains, we find a way to integrate and accept the loss as time passes: “Most individuals find a way to incorporate the loss into their life and forge a new normal,” she said.
Speck suggests tapping into a creative spirit to honor the memory of a loved one: “Consider creating something to remember the person: a special photo that can be displayed, journaling a favorite memory, or simply painting the person’s name on a stone. Some individuals keep a favorite article of clothing or jewelry close to them as a reminder. This ‘continuing bond’ is a warm reminder of the person and can be a comfort during this difficult time.”
Here in Greenwich, First Selectman Camillo echoed that sentiment of comfort, hope, and resilience. Throughout the pandemic crisis, Camillo has called for Greenwich residents to pull together, and he remains confident that brighter times lie ahead for our town. “Let’s keep our heads high, guards up, and masks on,” he said. “The coming new year will be a time of reflection, gratitude, and hope.”
