By Barbara McLaughlin
As adults, most of us can confess of cycling through a vast array of emotions during this difficult time. Just when we thought we had this pandemic social distancing thing down, then came images of horrible acts of racism, igniting a movement we see on the news daily. In just a few hours, we might go from content to anxious to angry and on and on. Can you imagine what our children are feeling? At least we adults have the language to label how we feel. Many of us have even mastered at least a few techniques for managing emotions (deep breathing anyone?). Unfortunately, the same is not true for many children. The language of emotions, a bedrock concept of social-emotional learning (SEL)*, is something learned over time. More importantly, it is best learned in the contexts of relationships with others. The loss of traditional schooling and the introduction of social distancing place our children at a distinct disadvantage. Emotions can be a difficult concept for any of us to master, but for children, the added pressures and stress of this pandemic coupled with distance learning make growing their SEL skills a much steeper uphill climb.
While much has been discussed by educational experts of the educational slide our children are experiencing with months out of traditional school, not enough attention has been paid to their emotional slide. While March feels like ages ago, it is important to note the effect it had on children. They were told, virtually overnight, that they would not be going back to school. They left with no idea of when they would see their friends and teachers again. As the weeks and months passed, the news became worse and all hope for them of seeing their friends again this school year disappeared. They went from an environment of structure and certainty to one with neither. Even in the best of circumstances, where resources were plentiful and homes had devices and connectivity, the social circumstances in which we build our SEL disappeared. In the worst of circumstances, children had to focus on the very adult problems of losing loved ones, food insecurity, and living in an abusive environment all day with no escape. Either scenario and everything in between, spells trauma for our children.
One of the things children of trauma struggle with the most is emotional regulation. SEL is one of the only things that can teach these vital skills and allow children to fully participate in the educational system.
There is good news! As parents, you can teach these vital SEL skills at home. Here are a few tips:
1. When reading any book to your child, stop every few pages and ask “how do you think they are feeling?” This allows your child to begin connecting feelings with circumstances or facial expressions;
2. When speaking with your child, begin a sentence with “I feel…..” For example, when talking about your day, start by saying “I felt excited because I started a new project.”
3. When your child gets upset, begin by asking “how do you feel?” instead of “what is wrong?”
*For a full definition of Social Emotional Learning, go to www.casel.org/faqs.
Barbara McLaughlin is the Manager of Volunteers and Early Education Programs at Kids In Crisis. She created the program “Emotion Locomotion” that solely focuses on SEL and is aimed at children from Pre K to third grade. Barbara has a B.A. in Political Science from Binghamton University and a J.D. from Albany Law School.
