By Mary Forde
One of the biggest benefits to attending and working in schools is that you get to have a second New Year’s Day every year. Although generally without the excitement of Times Square and confetti, the start of a new school year offers an opportunity for families and students to reflect on last year and make the infamous “resolutions” to have a better new year. Are there ways families can increase the odds to help their children be successful with their resolutions? Definitely!
A good place to start is a conversation with your child, if possible have individual conversations. Start with some general questions about the positive things: “Who did you get to know better last year?” “”What was your favorite class/teacher/project? What made it your favorite?” “What was your best day of the year, why? “(no counting snow days!) Feel free to add your own observations about when your child appeared to excited or proud. Try to make your comments about your child and not about yourself. Rather than “I was so proud when you got that ‘A’” – try “You studied so hard for that test, I bet you were really proud of the ‘A’ you earned.”
You can then move into a conversation about the challenges and obstacles encountered during the year: “What things did not turn out the way you hoped/planned?” “What got in the way of your doing your best?” “Where/With what/With whom did you have the most problems?” “Were there solutions you tried that worked and things that didn’t work?”
Now is the time to talk about New School Year’s resolutions with your child. In thinking and talking about resolutions, it is helpful to consider about the reasons most commonly given for not keeping our plans on course. The reasons include:
The resolution wasn’t clear, specific and based on your current situation.
If your child never made it to school on time last year, setting a goal for being on time every day probably isn’t going to happen. Start with being on time on every Tuesday and Thursday until Winter Break. Goals can always be changed if they are accomplished sooner!
There is no plan and/or the plan isn’t written down.
Homework not completed or completed with tears and drama. A homework plan should include where and when homework will be completed. If at all possible, treat Friday night like a weeknight – if you child does homework at the kitchen table from 7:00-8:00 every night, try to keep the schedule on Friday. This will leave Saturday and Sunday as ‘weekend nights’ with no homework.
It is your resolution and not your child’s.
You should identify the ways in which you will facilitate your child’s resolution but the behavior that needs to change in theirs. You can make sure there are clean clothes, but you child should be the one to select and lay out the clothes at night so there is no drama in the morning. You can review their homework checklist but they need to complete it.
The only reward for keeping the resolution is provided by you.
The only reward for getting homework done before Sunday night shouldn’t be an ice cream cone. Think of the good things that will naturally happen if you aren’t fighting over Sunday night last minute assignments – like watching Game of Thrones (OK – maybe I am still in withdrawal).
Your child doesn’t know how they are doing.
o When deciding on the resolution, make sure it is in behavioral language your child understands and you can measure. “Be kinder” is not as clear and measurable as “Do something my friend wants to do instead of what I want to do.”
o Sticker charts, graphs, checklists – anything that visually highlights the progress that is being made is reinforcing and sometimes just seeing the dip in the data is enough to get back on track. Recognize your missteps and celebrate your achievements.
The effort isn’t worth the payoff.
Sometimes we make a resolution that takes way too much effort for the benefit it produces or doesn’t really solve the problem. It is important to periodically review the resolution and the plan to see if they are making your child’s school and home life better. Yes, your child is able to get out the door in time to catch the school bus, but you are both missing the 20 minutes you had to talk to each other in the car. Maybe it was a little more yelling than talking but it was alone time with you (and you are a big reinforcer whether it feels like it or not). How can you give that time without the morning drama?
A New School Year’s celebration is not a bad way to start 2019-2020. Streamers, horns, hats and confetti helps everyone understand that this is a fresh start. New teachers, new friends, new classes and new pencils. The floors are polished and bulletin boards are updated and whether we all want to admit it or not, most of us are ready to get back to the routine. Little changes can go a long way to making this your child’s best year so far – which will make it a pretty good year for parents too.
Happy New Year!!
Mary Forde is the Chief Pupil Personnel Services Officer.
