By Icy Frantz
As an avid reader and loquacious writer, I love words. The sound of a stand-alone, singular word fills me with emotion. Some words are just fun to say, like onomatopoeia or rutabaga. There is something about the way the syllables roll off my tongue and the feel in my mouth that makes it hard not to smile. And then there are words that denote the opposite reaction, like moist or mealy or even ointment. And, when words are grouped together they often tell a story, or describe a mood, or encourage or discourage, and these groupings can be powerful, persuasive, poignant and even life changing. There is an old saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” that I find utterly misconceived. We need to fill our life with words both written and spoken, chosen carefully and thoughtfully.
We live in a world where the most popular form of communication doesn’t even include words anymore. Texting involves acronyms, abbreviations that seem to cut down on the amount of time needed to communicate. We used to enjoy face-to-face contact. Then we listened to one another on the phone. But texting is like saying: I could have stopped by, but I didn’t. I could have called, but I didn’t do that either so I will text you so I do not need to see or hear you.
Seriously, what do we do with the time we save using letters instead of words? IDK.
In our house, I am still a stickler about written thank you notes. All of my children have stationary, and although my daughter tells me that no one writes thank you’s anymore (which I know is not true), the boys have given up or given in. I am easy going, but here I draw the line. When we receive a thank you note hand written in a beautiful script or scribble, I leave it out on the counter for all to see, like a trophy or a treasured gift because truly, I treasure them.
Just this past Mother’s Day, my daughter was lamenting that she had nothing to give to me, which wasn’t exactly true because she had given me a wonderful lacrosse game in the pouring rain, and I told her all I wanted was a letter, and I got it. And it meant the world. It was from the heart and beautifully written in a bright fuschia, felt-tipped pen decorated with hearts, and I will keep it and maybe bring it out when we are deep into her teenage years.
The written word is wonderful, but the spoken word can be equally brilliant or dispiriting. I remember a time when my daughter thought it was still cool to take the very early bus to school, giving up sleep time for extra school time. On one such morning, she was seated next to a friend when her friend leaned in and then said quite loudly, “Your hair smells.” Now she could have added…“amazing” but she did not, and these three words left alone made for a pretty rough day for my daughter. Words can hurt.
The other day, a good friend told me a wonderful story about the words an English teacher had shared with her son. Sam is a senior in high school and has done well and is looking forward to a Memorial Day graduation. In this particular class, he had been enjoying his senior spring as he should, but knew he could definitely be putting more into his studies. After class, his teacher asked him to stay.
“What was today all about?” the teacher asked.
“I know I have been coming in unprepared and, last night, I stayed up and did all of the work. I respect you too much as a person to not honor the class homework and discussion,” Sam explained.
“Well, Sam. I like you. You are a fine student and I am going to look you up in a few years because I just know that you are going to do great things.”
Wow!! And these words are powerful and worthy and I suspect that they will stay with Sam over the course of his life and he will revisit them, and they will mean more than his grades on his final high school transcript that will be tucked away in a file somewhere in his parents’ house.
This English teacher modeled for us how to communicate words of encouragement. We, too, need to take the time to communicate similar words of encouragement to the people in our lives. Let’s face it, we all need these words from time to time, to keep us going in the right direction or to let us know that we are on the right path. Sometimes, these words will make all the difference. They may inspire. They may comfort. They say I care and I have taken the time to show it. If we spend the time to share wonderful words with each other, we may all enjoy better days and not ones spent worrying about smelly hair.
In less than a week, we will celebrate our oldest son’s graduation from college. It’s a huge milestone. We will sit though the three-hour service outside in a courtyard, rain or shine, and hear his name called, the same name we gave him over 22 two years ago in the small room on the 9th floor of the old Greenwich Hospital when we welcomed him into our lives. I will be wearing my dark glasses, as I do on all occasions when tears will likely accompany me. I am sure the speakers will share words of encouragement, similar to the words that will be spoken across the country at similar celebrations. There will be lots of proud family members, caps thrown and pictures taken.
I have started a hand-written letter to my son to commemorate his commencement. I am proud of him. I am also grateful because our lives have been forever changed and touched by his arrival so many years ago. I will site some of his wonderful qualities: he is a people person, an amazing and loyal friend and a wise old soul. And, I will say the words that I did at his first commencement when he joined us on this earth. “Look out world!” and then I will tell him ILYSM.
