School and Families as Partners

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By Gordon Beinstein

As a building principal, I often have the opportunity to speak with colleagues of mine who hold the same title. This is a result of both the need to collaborate with those dealing with similar issues and the fact that no one else will speak with us! It is not uncommon for these conversations to quickly turn to stories of negative interactions with the parents of the students in their schools. They speak about contentious PPT meetings and unsupportive discipline calls. They share tales of parents demanding teacher changes or a course level switch. They lament the pushback they get when enforcing school rules and student expectations. I have little to share during these discussions. I have been blessed with a parent population that is willing and eager to work with our staff in the best interest of their kids. This doesn’t mean that we always agree on what that should look like, but we have gotten to the point where both parent and school personnel trust that all involved have the child’s best interest at heart.

This will surprise none of you who live in town, but some parents can be ‘high maintenance’ (not anyone reading this article of course, but those ‘other’ Greenwich parents) I understand that you have little choice but to be emotionally invested in your child’s success. But it is equally important that you understand that we too want only what is best for your child. So, how did we get to this point where you trust us to do what is best with your most prized possession? It didn’t happen overnight. There has been a conscious effort on our part to earn this trust.

First and foremost, we communicate ……often. A parent pointed out to me the other day that between my weekly emails, the unit summaries from the teachers, and the once per cycle communication from their child about their academic progress, they will hear from us 12-13 times in a month. This doesn’t even include the individual calls and emails from the teachers if a child is struggling academically or behaviorally or if they had a moment of excellence. (I am testing the theory taught in ‘principal school’ that you can never over-communicate!) But it isn’t just THAT we communicate but it’s HOW we communicate. We are open and we are honest. You will hear the truth. If your child makes a mistake, you will know it. If they shine, you will know that as well. We don’t inundate you with ‘edubabble’ in an effort to confuse you or demonstrate intellectual superiority. We speak with you like the partners you are. We know that you are your child’s first teacher and best advocate. When done well, these are back and forth conversations about the child and not a one-way monologue.

This trust is also earned through a mutually shared belief that every mistake and each success is a teachable moment. We have adopted a ‘growth mindset’. The 10/11 year old you send to us is not the same child we return to you three years later. They will be smellier and hairier, but it is our shared responsibility to also make them smarter, more well rounded, and prepared for the rigors of high school. So, when in a meeting with a parent and child about some poor choice a student has made, we spend less time focusing on what happened and, instead, focus on what we can learn from this. We create actual action steps to get there. It’s one thing for a child to say ‘I’ll behave better’ or ‘I’ll get better grades’, but without specific steps to achieve these goals, these are just empty words. Parents recognize that it is not our intent to beat their child down but rather to pull them out of the hole they may have dug for themselves.

Finally, we truly enjoy our students. My staff and I have chosen to work with these moody, egocentric, hygiene-challenged, quasi-psychopathic adolescents because we actually like the children. You can’t fake this with the kids or their parents. You don’t fight with people who like your kids; you work with them. To paraphrase from the old U.S. Army commercial, the middle school years are ‘not just a job, they’re an adventure’. This ‘adventure’ is much more enjoyable and productive with families and schools in a trusting partnership.

Gordon Beinstein is currently in his 32nd year as a middle school educator (and he still can’t get out of 8th grade!). This is his seventh year as the principal of Western Middle School and was recently named the 2019 Connecticut Association of Schools Principal of the Year.

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