The Importance of Spending Time Together

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Catherine Neiswonger

By Catherine Neiswonger

Happy New Year!

It is that time of year when we look back. We are thankful for all the beautiful things that have happened and that we survived most of the not so beautiful things. But we also look forward to the possibilities of another year, what will we do differently: making new habits and breaking old ones.

Helping your child acquire good habits is a part of the learning process, and it is vital because habits (good and bad) can be with your child for the rest of their life. Some of us have habits as adults that we developed as young children. Children are innocent, naive, and generally unaware of their actions. They are vulnerable to developing unhealthy habits. If these practices go unchecked at the early stages, they can become rigid bad habits for life, which are hard to give up. It can be distressing when we see our kids developing unhealthy habits. Bad habits may be difficult but not impossible to break. With a bit of patience, care, observation, and conscious efforts, we can relieve our kids of bad habits.

Paying a lot of attention to the bad habit and punishing your child may actually have a negative impact. He/she will be encouraged to repeat the behavior when given attention. It may be more beneficial to ignore the annoying habit and let your kid outgrow the habit on his own with time.

Since attention is something our kids naturally crave, try instead praising your child when they engage in good habits and avoid the bad ones consciously. Letting them know that their good behavior was noticed and appreciated helps boost their morale and gives them a reason to quit the bad habit. Concentrate on positive responses and be liberal with your praise. When an action is noticed and praised, you are encouraged to repeat it. It doesn’t always have to be with words- a gentle hug, a wink, a thumbs up. An added benefit is that the more you look for the positive, the more often you find it. Believe in your children, and the children will believe in themselves.

We can’t eliminate all of the bad habits at once. Think about habits that are bothersome or possibly damaging and work on those first. Do not rush. Parents should seldom lose their temper with the child. Never embarrass your child in public. Discussing a problem with your kid should be done privately.

“It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them” – Benjamin Franklin.

Good habits go a long way in establishing the child’s personality. Our children try to emulate their parents, teachers, and older siblings, so we need to practice what we preach. Habits become second nature through regular practice, and if we can make our children understand the reason behind developing the habits, they are more likely to embrace them.

A cornerstone to developing good habits is by creating a nurturing environment where those closest to you can thrive and be confident, independent, and caring people. Those closest to you should feel valued and loved. Take time to show them that, to tell them that. If we can establish a positive environment where we are approachable and amiable, we can help our children learn from their mistakes. Choose to be critical of behavior. You can be kind as well as assertive when pointing out unacceptable behavior.

Choose words carefully. We want those closest to us to know what we need from them. If you can be consistent and transparent with your expectations, they will be realized more often than not. An added benefit is that we can reasonably hold others accountable when mistakes are made. Engage in a real conversation by avoiding words of correction and direction that we use to get us through the day. Use respectful and encouraging words to foster a feeling of security and trust. Be a patient listener and give importance to your child’s opinion.

Be committed to spending time together. It can be a shared mealtime or devoting Saturday mornings to family time. Make it simple so you can keep it up! Carve out quality time with your children as individuals as well, separate time for family activities. Each child needs to be recognized and appreciated for their individuality.

You’re “best self” is the best for everyone in your life as well. Take time for yourself and with your partner to rejuvenate. Whether it is a romantic dinner, a weekend away, or just time that is out of the routine of life to.

When you look back on the year, don’t be too hard on yourself. Parenting is hard work. Be patient with yourself and your children. Accept that mistakes will be made, that perfection is not reality. Whether you are working on breaking a bad habit or establishing a good one, hang in there. YOU GOT THIS!

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