By Michelle Moskowitz
Sentinel Correspondent
Earlier this month, Chabad of Greenwich’s annual parenting conference focused on the increasing pressure kids feel today and the challenges they face growing up in the digital age.
More than 75 parents gathered at the Bruce Museum for an informative session with Dr. Jennifer Hartstein, a New York City-based child, adolescent and family psychologist.
After sushi, salad and kosher wine, Hartstein’s two-part interactive series offered parents insight into understanding a child’s mindset in order to equip them with proper coping tools and to show them how to navigate the ever-changing digital world kids are growing up in.
“Kids today live in a pressure cooker society between their academics, sports and after-school activities,” she said. “Some anxiety can be healthy and help push them to action like getting their schoolwork done.”
Other kids may get overwhelmed, which can manifest itself as major stress, depression and behavioral disorders.
She said the most important factor in helping kids cope with day-to-day stress comes from “validation” of their feelings.
“Say to your child, ‘I get that you’re anxious. Let’s discuss how we can make you feel better’—and give them a designated time and a set limit to discuss their concerns and then move on.”
She also suggested that kids create a “worry journal” where they write down their thoughts before bedtime so it doesn’t disrupt their sleep.
“By giving them the forum to deal with their feelings, you are guiding them on a healthy path to coping,” added Hartstein.
She also discussed the value in identifying trigger points that make children more vulnerable to stress. Is your child getting enough sleep? Are they overscheduled?
“If your child is always forgetting things by rushing in the morning or procrastinating on a school project, take the time to make sure those things don’t happen very often,” she offered.
Hartstein was asked by a parent how to differentiate between “normal nervousness” versus genuinely worrisome anxiety.
“If your child’s anxiety gets in the way of them doing the things they enjoy or managing their lives, that’s a concern,” said Hartstein. “Always trust your gut instinct and seek the help of a professional if you’re unsure about something. Even just a few therapy sessions might be all that is needed.”
In the second part of the conference, Hartstein addressed how technology is enmeshed in every facet of a child’s world today whether parents like it or not, be it through school, entertainment, and social communications.
The critical factor in managing kids’ digital lives is setting strict boundaries, just as parents would do offline.
“First and foremost, you as the parent need to model good behavior when it comes to technology usage,” said Hartstein.
But parents truly need to play an active role in keeping on top of their child’s passwords and the apps they use most; they should utilize the parental controls when necessary.
Hartstein strongly urges families to implement a “Family Technology Contract” so the rules of engagement are clearly laid out and enforceable.
Attendees were provided with a sample contract consisting of a set of rules specific for kids, parents and for the entire family.
The following excerpt shows a snapshot of what a contract might look like:
For kids and teens:
• I will never give out personal information online and will avoid all chat rooms except ones my parents have looked at and approved.
• I will not watch shows or play games that are inappropriate for me.
For parents:
• I will check what my kids are doing online and on their phones and use parental controls judiciously.
• I will take the time to be interested in what my kids are doing online and in the digital world and talk to them about it.
For the entire family:
• We will agree to technology-free times such as meals, weekends and vacations.
• We agree to use technology responsibly by not using it to harm other by engaging in bullying or slanderous actions.
As for cyberbullying and what makes a child a good digital citizen, Hartstein offered the following:
• Don’t Facebook something you wouldn’t say to someone’s face.
• Pause before you post.
• Treat others as you want to be treated.
Hartstein provided additional resources for parents such as childmind.org, healthychildren.org, commonsensemedia.org and the following books “Raising a Digital Child,” by Mike Ribble and “American Girls: Social Media and The Secret Lives of Teenage Girls,” by Nancy Jo Sales.
Hartstein is a regular contributor on a variety of psychological issues in print, television and radio including “The Today Show,” “Dr. Oz,” and “CBS This Morning.”
For more information on Dr. Harstein, visit www.drjen.com. For more information on Chabad of Greenwich, visit chabadgreenwich.org.
Note: The sample contract was provided by CyberSafe: Protecting and Empowering Kids in the Digital World of Texting, Gaming and Social Media.
