Column: Welcome to the Deep End

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By Ed Horstmann
Sentinel Columnist

When I was a young boy, my older brothers decided to teach me how to swim in a murky lake not far from our family home. This effort on their part had two results. I did not learn to swim, and I developed a ferocious fear of deep water. So much so that for many years I was happy to avoid any activity that involved the prospect of swimming. Then along came a child.

That child was my daughter, Catriona. Starting at a very young age, she took swimming lessons at the YMCA in Concord, New Hampshire. Whenever I took her to those lessons I looked on from the sidelines, imagining how wonderful it would be to enjoy water the way she did. One day I watched as she took her place among other students near the diving boards at the deep end of the pool. From my perspective, those depths looked forbidding. Yet Catriona followed her instructor’s guidance, padded out to the end of the board, and dove into the water, her swimsuit quickly becoming a multicolor blur as she swam to the base of the pool to touch the drain. Then up and up she kicked until she surfaced, her hair slick as a seal’s skin. That day I decided that I had seen enough of the pool from the sidelines.

I was 35 years old when I told Catriona’s instructor that I wanted to be her newest student. When I met the following week with other kindred spirits who wanted to overcome their fear of the depths, I could see immediately that we were a fellowship of the terrified. We ranged in age from 18 to late 70’s and it is possible that we held so tightly to the side of the pool for some of our exercises that our fingerprints are still embedded in the tiles. But our teacher was unfazed by our fear. She taught us to tread water, swim the crawl, and launch ourselves off the diving boards into the beautiful blue water at the deep end of the pool.

After my classmates and I completed our six-week course, you would have thought we had been swimming our entire lives. I will never forget the first time I dove off the diving board, as if following the path that my daughter had blazed; going down, down, and down until I, too, touched the drain, and ascended back to the surface.

Since my graduation from that YMCA pool in Concord, the image of overcoming fear to explore the deeper waters of human experience has been a constant companion. One of my favorite Biblical stories describes an invitation from Jesus to a group of fishermen to leave disappointment behind in order to embrace greater depths of experience. Although these individuals had returned from a long night of fishing with little to show for it, Jesus encouraged them to go back out into deeper waters and let down their nets once again. Though weary and discouraged, they followed his advice, and were nearly overwhelmed by the good results that ensued. The good news is that Jesus did not allow these men to dwell for long in their disappointment, any more than my swim companions and I were allowed to stake out a claim in the kiddie pool. We were challenged to move through our fears, and were given the necessary encouragement to help us do so.

There is always some depth that needs to be faced if we are to grow in love, wisdom and vitality. It could be the call to forgive or to ask forgiveness, to reach out in service or to embrace a greater vision of personal wellness. We can deepen our commitment to a relationship that has grown shallow, and we can make faith in God the greatest adventure of all. As swimming instructors teach us to navigate deeper waters, our communities of faith empower us to embrace a greater and deeper vision of a life that is truly worth living.

When Susan, my wife, and I moved to Greenwich we were encouraged to visit Tod’s Point, which has become a place of spiritual renewal for us. At that beautiful intersection of land, sea and sky, we sense the depth of God touching the depths in us. And we give thanks for swimming instructors and spiritual guides alike who call us beyond fear or hesitation to welcome a fuller and more trusting experience of life.

Ed Horstmann is the senior pastor of Round Hill Community Church, an interdenominational church in Greenwich. Prior to coming to Greenwich, he was deeply involved in urban ministry at Immanuel Congregational Church, United Church of Christ, in Connecticut’s capital city of Hartford. He is a writer and artist, and sees faith as a way of life that brings us into closer relationship with God so that we can be a force for good in the world. Susan, his wife, is a massage therapist, and together they enjoy exploring the wonders of Greenwich and the surrounding region.

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