Column: On Tragedy and the Mystery of Eternal Love

richard-denuyl-fi

By Richard S. DenUyl, Jr.
Sentinel Contributor

have a confession to make. When I realized this column was scheduled to appear on Good Friday, I was very tempted to skip ahead and write about Easter instead. Truth be told, I would much rather focus on the goodness of Easter Sunday than the grief of Good Friday. But then I remembered a heart-breaking conversation I had with a friend whose young daughter, while driving home from college, hit black ice and was tragically killed. 

Entering my friend’s home that day, I found him sitting on the sofa next to his wife and daughter’s boyfriend. All three were understandably devastated and awash with tears. For the better part of an hour we wept and prayed together. Eventually he brought up the subject of his daughter’s “memorial service,” two unspeakable words that, when fi-nally spoken out loud, broke under the weight of his profound grief.   

After a long silence he said the following to me: “Richard, I know how memorial services go. I know that it’s customary for the minister to open the service by citing scripture about Jesus’s resurrection into heaven and, because of this, we should take heart that our loved ones are in ‘a better place.’”

And then he said this—the part that I will never forget: “Please do me a favor. Please hold off on the resurrection talk, at least until the very end of the service. The truth is, right now it’s impossible for me to believe that my daughter is in ‘a better place’ than right here with her family and boyfriend.”

It was a conversation that pierced my heart and forever changed me. Honestly, having a daughter nearly the same age, I’m sure I would have felt exactly as he did. It is true what they say, that there is no greater grief than losing a child. A profound loss that Mary, the mother of Jesus, had to endure as well. Michelangelo’s sculpture “Pieta” is a stunning reminder of this.

“Do me a favor and hold off on the resurrection talk.” Looking back on that moment, it occurred to me that what my friend was really saying was, “Today is my Good Friday. Please honor this. Please don’t try and lighten up the darkest day of my life prematurely.  Please don’t attempt to powder and rouge the reality of what has happened. Rather, simply acknowledge my loss. Be with me. Hold my hand—hold my heart, until I am ready to be led out into the true light of Easter Sunday.

So it goes today for Christians around the world. There is no ignoring or escaping the cross. There is no way to deny the historical truth that the “powers that be” crucified the power of love, putting an end to it forever—or so they thought. Instead, today and to-morrow we are asked to dwell in the silence and the darkness, our own and other peo-ple’s, to resist the temptation of pat, comfortable answers by closing our mouths and opening our hearts to the mystery of love—love’s eternity.

The Rev. Richard S. DenUyl is the senior pastor of The First Congregational Church in Old Greenwich.

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