Column: On Gratefulness and Generosity Fatigue

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By Chuck Davis
Sentinel Contributor

The other day I was in a public setting and two young men were having a conversation that I tried my best to avoid. I was alone, engaged in a passive activity, so I could not escape their words breaking into my world from time to time. By appearance and by the way they celebrated their work successes and travel schedule, they were doing well at their early stage of life. They were living the life.

Then the conversation took a turn that I found interesting. They celebrated their strategies of how to avoid calls from their alma maters during this season in which universities normally have extensive capital campaigns. They were proud of how they dodged the opportunity to be generous to an institution that had equipped them and launched them into their “successful lives”—at least, as many would define success.

Now I realize that it is dangerous to arrive at conclusions about what is going on in a person’s heart by one conversation. Maybe these two are incredibly generous to individuals or to other institutions. Maybe their alma maters are so richly endowed that they feel it better to invest in other more needy causes. Maybe… you can fill in the blanks.

But their conversation filled with boasting, loud boasting, about the craftiness in avoiding an opportunity to be generous was striking to me. I did not hear gratefulness in the tone or substance of their conversation; I heard a recognition that they were living the life.

A couple weeks ago I was in an exchange with someone from another part of the globe who has the ability to help many people in need. In fact, he has helped many people through his charitable contributions. He is about 30 years down the road from the young men. He has been alert to the fact that he has been living the life. But for him there has always been a sense of responsibility attached to that privilege.

We might say that his philosophy to life has been: Blessed to be a blessing, or, To whom much is given, much is required.

I would say that he has been a very grateful person for the opportunities afforded him.

But something leaked through his words in our conversation about this opportunity to help a new cause. He was filling impinged upon. This was just one more need being brought to his attention. He rehearsed all the ways that he has helped others in the past. And he expressed his need to begin thinking about himself. His retirement!

Now, just for clarity, there is nothing wrong with thinking about our future so as not to be a burden on our families or the state. But this person has enough wealth to retire 10 times.

What I was hearing was generosity fatigue.

Two conditions of heart—the first was gratefulness fatigue, the second was generosity fatigue. Either of these conditions can cause us to miss one of the greatest joys of life: Giving! Hilarious, life-filled, eye-popping generosity. The first condition makes us stingy and calculating. The second condition rips the heart right out of the action of giving.

Now I am not judging at all; I am just shining a light into conditions that have wrapped around my own heart at different times and have squeezed the joy out of my life. And that stinginess of generosity is not just a financial reality. I can be stingy with time, with full attention in conversation, with benefit of the doubt, with acquired skills and talents, as well as with many other commodities that can bless people beyond any financial help given.

So what can we do to keep from falling into the trap of these heart conditions? I think it is by being people who are saturated with the understanding and daily reminders of the bounty of God’s generosity toward us: “For God so loved… that he gave… “ (John 3:16).

This changes everything about my reality. I bless you with the same!

The Rev. Dr. Chuck Davis is senior pastor at Stanwich Congregational Church.

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